Monday, March 31, 2008

Dear God, How Do I Answer Her Questions?

This has just been one of those days. Everyday I wake up thankful to be alive, but then there are those moments . . .

My daughter is 6. She's what was once called precocious. This week, she's been telling people that she is suffering from summer pollen. Thursday, she looked at me and said, in the most somber voice, "Momma, is Nationwide really on our side?" She tells her brother (he's a year old) on a daily basis that he needs to grow up, but not too fast. Normally, it's just great entertainment to listen to what she comes up with, but tonight in the bath tub she blindsided me.

"Momma, I want to make sure I pick the right husband when I grow up."

I was not quite sure where she was going with that. So I replied, "Sweetie, if you talk to Jesus about it, and always remember to seek Him first no matter what, I'm sure that won't be a problem." End of discussion - I hoped. Wrong.

"Momma, was Daddy the right husband for you?"

Yikes. Difficult, but not impossible. "Yes, sweetie, I think God brought us together. He gave us you and David, and we both love you."

"If Daddy was the right husband, why doesn't he live here anymore? Why doesn't he love you? Momma, I'm just so sad."

There are no right answers then. Only pain in a tiny heart. Only pain in my heart too. How do I tell her that I prayed every day, for many years, that God would change her Daddy's heart. How can I tell her that I was SO SURE I was in His plan, but sometimes now I wonder? I don't want her to know what Daddy has done. I want . . . so many things. But now, God, I need an answer, because she's waiting for me to give her one.

So, since I didn't have one, we prayed. Yep, with her in the bathtub, and David saying, "Duck . . .quack" in baby voice. There was no revelation, but she eventually stopped crying and we went to watch an episode of *Little House on the Prairie*. I'm still waiting for the lightning and thunder - the answer to her question.

Because I want the answer too.

I don't know the answers or the reasons why. I only know that He who made heaven and earth is looking after us both. For me, it's enough. For her, I think it will be too. He is faithful, even when others are not. He is God. He took away the pain in my heart when I asked Him to, instantly. I pray that He will do the same for my baby. Please Jesus, heal her heart.

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